ahhh!
Post by Brightface on Mar 24, 2010 15:40:16 GMT -5
Ok, so things have been really not good for me lately... There have been a ton of problems that are stressing me out so much... So I'm venting here...
Okies, so I know some of you know the basics, about my dad being transsexual and my mom telling him not to come over any more because her and my sister are freaked out by it. Well, I think my mom has more reason than my sister to be unaccepting, cuz my mom is the one who was married to him for 20 years... Anyways, some of you also know how school hasn't been going to well lately either. I've been tardy a lot [usually i get ther like 3-5 minutes after the bell rings, cuz i miss my bus, cuz my bus always comes at random times] So I got so many tardies they had to give me a saterday detention, and my mom told them that because of her scedule I'd have no way of getting to the detention. I guess they don't care cuz when i didn't show up for the saterday they suspended me for a day. So I ended up crying literally for the whole day... guess I just lost it.
On the tuesday i was in school, on time for once, but there was MCAS, and usually when theres MCAS I dont have any class to got to, and i saw that some other people with the same schedule as me were just sitting in the hall, so i decided to sit in the cafe and read... then i thought about if i didnt check in with anyone, would they mark me absent? so i went to the office and asked and they said they would have to mark me tardy again [ i had no idea i still had class cuz my usual first block room was full of the test-takers] And my assistant principal gave me the detention anyways, even though she saw me in the hallway before the bell rang [how can she blame me for not knowing when i didn't get any schedule or note cuz they wouldnt let me go to school monday?] So I just started crying.... Now that I look back on it, I kinda feel like she was pressuring me to tell her what was wrong after i told her i was just crying cuz of stress. So I told her pretty much everything... but now i really wish i hadn't.
I could tell she misunderstood a lot of what I said. She took it as 'I didnt like being home alone, and my mom is the bad guy'. Well thats not the case; if she just let me explain more before she started just saying stuff, she would know: I don't mind at all being home alone with my sister; I just dont like how i have to wake her up all the time cuz she falls asleep while doing homework. And my mom is not the bad guy, she does everything she can for me and my sister; I was more stressed that I'm the one who can't find time to help her out with stuff more.
I told her how some people know me as the girl who never talks [ when I actually do talk -_- ] So she's all like: you need to find your voice bla bla bla. just shut up! she's like, trying to control me now! she wants me to see one of the school therapists and even talk to her more. I said maybe... but i really dont want to.
So when my mom talked to her, she told about how i opened up to her and my mom is all proud of me for it... and she wants me to take advantage of the school therapist thing... I really dont want to, but i dont want me mum to be disappointed in me or something. I dont like talking about things to people, in person, it just makes me cry, then i end up crying for the whole rest of the day. My mom to me she cried when the assistant principal was talkin to her about stuff, and that made me cry too... and then she told me how mrs. smith is gonna call DCS on us, but didnt want my mom to tell me or me sis... So now I hate her more than i already did... she just didn't get what i was saying at all, it makes me so angry! I just wanna go in and yell at her tomorrow -__-
And she's still pretty pushy, i hate it so much, its making me want to do the exact opposite of what she wants me to do...
I can't explain how i've been feeling lately... wish i could x[
So I guess I'm done for now cuz i forgot what else i was gonna say... I know I'm really pathetic, crying and stuff over everything... If anyone has any advise or comments feel free to reply....
Okies, so I know some of you know the basics, about my dad being transsexual and my mom telling him not to come over any more because her and my sister are freaked out by it. Well, I think my mom has more reason than my sister to be unaccepting, cuz my mom is the one who was married to him for 20 years... Anyways, some of you also know how school hasn't been going to well lately either. I've been tardy a lot [usually i get ther like 3-5 minutes after the bell rings, cuz i miss my bus, cuz my bus always comes at random times] So I got so many tardies they had to give me a saterday detention, and my mom told them that because of her scedule I'd have no way of getting to the detention. I guess they don't care cuz when i didn't show up for the saterday they suspended me for a day. So I ended up crying literally for the whole day... guess I just lost it.
On the tuesday i was in school, on time for once, but there was MCAS, and usually when theres MCAS I dont have any class to got to, and i saw that some other people with the same schedule as me were just sitting in the hall, so i decided to sit in the cafe and read... then i thought about if i didnt check in with anyone, would they mark me absent? so i went to the office and asked and they said they would have to mark me tardy again [ i had no idea i still had class cuz my usual first block room was full of the test-takers] And my assistant principal gave me the detention anyways, even though she saw me in the hallway before the bell rang [how can she blame me for not knowing when i didn't get any schedule or note cuz they wouldnt let me go to school monday?] So I just started crying.... Now that I look back on it, I kinda feel like she was pressuring me to tell her what was wrong after i told her i was just crying cuz of stress. So I told her pretty much everything... but now i really wish i hadn't.
I could tell she misunderstood a lot of what I said. She took it as 'I didnt like being home alone, and my mom is the bad guy'. Well thats not the case; if she just let me explain more before she started just saying stuff, she would know: I don't mind at all being home alone with my sister; I just dont like how i have to wake her up all the time cuz she falls asleep while doing homework. And my mom is not the bad guy, she does everything she can for me and my sister; I was more stressed that I'm the one who can't find time to help her out with stuff more.
I told her how some people know me as the girl who never talks [ when I actually do talk -_- ] So she's all like: you need to find your voice bla bla bla. just shut up! she's like, trying to control me now! she wants me to see one of the school therapists and even talk to her more. I said maybe... but i really dont want to.
So when my mom talked to her, she told about how i opened up to her and my mom is all proud of me for it... and she wants me to take advantage of the school therapist thing... I really dont want to, but i dont want me mum to be disappointed in me or something. I dont like talking about things to people, in person, it just makes me cry, then i end up crying for the whole rest of the day. My mom to me she cried when the assistant principal was talkin to her about stuff, and that made me cry too... and then she told me how mrs. smith is gonna call DCS on us, but didnt want my mom to tell me or me sis... So now I hate her more than i already did... she just didn't get what i was saying at all, it makes me so angry! I just wanna go in and yell at her tomorrow -__-
And she's still pretty pushy, i hate it so much, its making me want to do the exact opposite of what she wants me to do...
I can't explain how i've been feeling lately... wish i could x[
So I guess I'm done for now cuz i forgot what else i was gonna say... I know I'm really pathetic, crying and stuff over everything... If anyone has any advise or comments feel free to reply....
