Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2010 13:01:00 GMT -5
Okay So i am seriously trying to write a real fantasy novel, please tell me what you think so far based on the first part of the first chapter:
Chapter 1:
The sky glittered red as it often did on Ortageon. Ortageon is a world filled with mystery and magic...and bloodshed. Our hero of this tale is on this farm, yes he is a Elf. He and his Family are living as refugees from the Black Hoods, They are so called 'guards of purity' So they set out to obliterate all who oppose the Kingdom. This Elf's name is Kuranduor Lonseft, He is a dark purple Elf, Just like they rest of his race. His kind, and Family particularly, are a peaceful folk, but also very skilled at Bowmanship. Let's join our hero shall we?
"Father! Father!" Yelled Kuranduor at the top of his lungs, as sweat beaded down his purple cheek skin, his bright orange eyes sprinkled with beauty and fire. After waiting for several moments for his Father Kuranduor decided to go and get him, He knocked heavily on his house's door. On the third knock the door opened for Kuranduor to see his old, yet beautiful mother."Why son, Why haven't you come in for some Tea and some rest? You've been working like a Mule out there." She spoke with kindness and gentleness in her old voice. "Oh mother, You know how I like to work and keep busy, Where's Father?" He asked. His mother's face immediately turned in to a shroud of sadness. "Well son..." She struggled and gulped, "The Elven Army commander came this morn and recruited him...by force" Kuranduor swallowed with fear, "Why!" He exclaimed, "He is too old to fight! Oh great Creator help him!" His mother seemed taken back by her son's assertiveness. "Oh Kuranduor, Our Kingdom's border has been threatened by those dreaded Werewolves for a very long time, and our army isn't very large" Kuranduor just stared at her, it seemed like it was right through her. He knew he was younger, why hadn't they recruited him. He ran out the door and immediately ran for the Stable and untied his horse, his mother came out as well, "Son where are you going?" He just kept his eyes focused on his horse, "I'm going to fight in the war, And no one can stop me!" He told her. She just shook her head, "They're already battling them Kuranduor. There's nothing you can do" She spoke with bitterness and then disappointment in her voice, Like she wished he could so something. Kuranduor just hopped on to his horse's back, "Then hand me Grandfather's old blade off of the mantle, I'm going to help" His mother hesitated then she figured she couldn't stop him, so she ran in to the hut and fetched over the fire place and obtained her father's sword and gave it to her son. Kuranduor took it and it's holder and put it on his belt and then bolted off toward the border, kicking up dust as his horse galloped. His mother just stood back and waved goodbye, crying as she watched her son go.
Chapter 1:
The sky glittered red as it often did on Ortageon. Ortageon is a world filled with mystery and magic...and bloodshed. Our hero of this tale is on this farm, yes he is a Elf. He and his Family are living as refugees from the Black Hoods, They are so called 'guards of purity' So they set out to obliterate all who oppose the Kingdom. This Elf's name is Kuranduor Lonseft, He is a dark purple Elf, Just like they rest of his race. His kind, and Family particularly, are a peaceful folk, but also very skilled at Bowmanship. Let's join our hero shall we?
"Father! Father!" Yelled Kuranduor at the top of his lungs, as sweat beaded down his purple cheek skin, his bright orange eyes sprinkled with beauty and fire. After waiting for several moments for his Father Kuranduor decided to go and get him, He knocked heavily on his house's door. On the third knock the door opened for Kuranduor to see his old, yet beautiful mother."Why son, Why haven't you come in for some Tea and some rest? You've been working like a Mule out there." She spoke with kindness and gentleness in her old voice. "Oh mother, You know how I like to work and keep busy, Where's Father?" He asked. His mother's face immediately turned in to a shroud of sadness. "Well son..." She struggled and gulped, "The Elven Army commander came this morn and recruited him...by force" Kuranduor swallowed with fear, "Why!" He exclaimed, "He is too old to fight! Oh great Creator help him!" His mother seemed taken back by her son's assertiveness. "Oh Kuranduor, Our Kingdom's border has been threatened by those dreaded Werewolves for a very long time, and our army isn't very large" Kuranduor just stared at her, it seemed like it was right through her. He knew he was younger, why hadn't they recruited him. He ran out the door and immediately ran for the Stable and untied his horse, his mother came out as well, "Son where are you going?" He just kept his eyes focused on his horse, "I'm going to fight in the war, And no one can stop me!" He told her. She just shook her head, "They're already battling them Kuranduor. There's nothing you can do" She spoke with bitterness and then disappointment in her voice, Like she wished he could so something. Kuranduor just hopped on to his horse's back, "Then hand me Grandfather's old blade off of the mantle, I'm going to help" His mother hesitated then she figured she couldn't stop him, so she ran in to the hut and fetched over the fire place and obtained her father's sword and gave it to her son. Kuranduor took it and it's holder and put it on his belt and then bolted off toward the border, kicking up dust as his horse galloped. His mother just stood back and waved goodbye, crying as she watched her son go.